Falling For A Scam Gifts

"It bounced."

"Would you believe it, that pensions liberation plan was just an on-line scam..."

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

"In two million years from now people like me will still be very rich tanks to idiots like you!"

"....and then it turned out that the e-mail I ignored that I got from the Nigerian bank offering me £200 million was REAL!"

"You have been specially selected to upload your bank details. Offer ends midnight."

Ask Sadie

"Here's my wallet, my phone, the key to the safe and an application form for your so-called 'mind control device.'"

"Hello, I am a Nigerian Prince and I need your help!!! Please send me $500 and your bank routing number. You will rewarded with 10% of 12.7 million dollars and my undying friendship. Best wishes, Prince John Barron."

'I find if I'm the first one in and the first one out, Ponzi schemes can be very lucrative.'

Dialed the number, ordered the tapes and placed hundreds of little ads. Didn't hit a snag until step four: Just sit back and rake it in.

"Didn't anyone ever warn you about opening an e-mail from someone you don't know?"

Statistics Research: You Can Fool 45% of the People 55% of the time, but you can't fool all the people all the time.

I figured out how these folks keep guaranteeing the precise day the world ends. Shhh. Keep it down. Why? It's a scam? If you read the read the fine print, they are promising that the world will begin to end that day. Could take forever. It's a no-lose scam … Shhh! What? It's scary when the world might end. There are a lot of people out there who need comforting. Women people, I presume. Women people, I presume. Who take comfort in necking. And you belittle their fears?

Pretending To Care

"To verify you are the person who answered the phone, May I have your social security number and a major credit card."

Gone Phishing

'To be honest I generally only deal with clients by phone or email.'

"Fraud ..what fraud?... " SEC

Berlitz guide to Scamese

"Excuse me, your honor. If you could just give us a few minutes, my client would like to pitch some time shares to the jury real quick."

Amateur Spam.

You short-changed me when I paid for my drink last week. Are you sure? Of course I'm sure. You gave me change for $10, but I now I gave you more than a ten-dollar bill. Sorry about that. How much did you give me? I distinctly remember I had nothing but $1,000 bills in my wallet. Not falling for it.

"Me, I work with a professional snake catcher: he drops me into people's backyards at night and waits for the call in the morning to come and catch me again..."

Exercise for the end of the day...

Get rich quick giving seminars!

'So you say the cash box was stolen.'

P.T. Barnum as a child.

'But monsieur I can get it for you so cheap, all the hard work has been done, it just needs the cladding.'

Maynard inadvertently goes phishing.

"Yes, you are speaking to university admissions!"

'Earn Dollars a Day by Doing Absolutely Nothing!'

"You mean all this time everything was really a screw?"

STIMULUS PACKAGE ALLOCATION COMMITTEE, 'Okay, we'll take the part out about the Nigerian banker's widow.'

"Good heavens no, I haven't always been a monarch! I started as a confidence trickster."