Scam Savior Gifts

"To verify you are the person who answered the phone, May I have your social security number and a major credit card."

"Always remember, sweetheart, that when the service is free, YOU'RE the product!"

Lighthouse has energy efficient light bulb.

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

"....and then it turned out that the e-mail I ignored that I got from the Nigerian bank offering me £200 million was REAL!"

S.O.S. vaccine

'Hurry, it's having a nervous breakdown!'

"You have been specially selected to upload your bank details. Offer ends midnight."

"Hello, I am a Nigerian Prince and I need your help!!! Please send me $500 and your bank routing number. You will rewarded with 10% of 12.7 million dollars and my undying friendship. Best wishes, Prince John Barron."

"Here's my wallet, my phone, the key to the safe and an application form for your so-called 'mind control device.'"

Warmer Oceans/Apathy/Green Washing

Ask Sadie

'I find if I'm the first one in and the first one out, Ponzi schemes can be very lucrative.'

"Didn't anyone ever warn you about opening an e-mail from someone you don't know?"

"I don't know man. It sounds a lot like a pyramid scheme to me."

I figured out how these folks keep guaranteeing the precise day the world ends. Shhh. Keep it down. Why? It's a scam? If you read the read the fine print, they are promising that the world will begin to end that day. Could take forever. It's a no-lose scam … Shhh! What? It's scary when the world might end. There are a lot of people out there who need comforting. Women people, I presume. Women people, I presume. Who take comfort in necking. And you belittle their fears?

Gone Phishing

'To be honest I generally only deal with clients by phone or email.'

"Fraud ..what fraud?... " SEC

Berlitz guide to Scamese

'I need a small, temporary tax hike - I found a great investment opportunity in Nigeria.'

Amateur Spam.

Vaccine

Superhero Rescues Books.

Sea temperatures rising at alarming rate

"Stop. I've got sand in my shoe again."

'Good news and bad...good, we can use you as spare parts for other people...'

Alas poor Yorrick

'Investing in a company whose website is Ponzischeme.come would raise red flags for me.'

How to save the Planet...

'I think the computer has had it, Naoni.'

'Urgent customer announcement. Is there an EPOS systems programmer in the shop?'

'So you say the cash box was stolen.'

"....We take the slugs into the countryside and release them."

Prisoner of pollution.