Scam Savvy Individual Gifts

Sadly, Harper had never heard of the Nigerian letter scam.

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

'Office' block tightening it's belt

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

'Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?'

"....and then it turned out that the e-mail I ignored that I got from the Nigerian bank offering me £200 million was REAL!"

"In two million years from now people like me will still be very rich tanks to idiots like you!"

"Here's my wallet, my phone, the key to the safe and an application form for your so-called 'mind control device.'"

"Hello, I am a Nigerian Prince and I need your help!!! Please send me $500 and your bank routing number. You will rewarded with 10% of 12.7 million dollars and my undying friendship. Best wishes, Prince John Barron."

'I find if I'm the first one in and the first one out, Ponzi schemes can be very lucrative.'

Statistics Research: You Can Fool 45% of the People 55% of the time, but you can't fool all the people all the time.

"I don't know man. It sounds a lot like a pyramid scheme to me."

Pretending To Care

I figured out how these folks keep guaranteeing the precise day the world ends. Shhh. Keep it down. Why? It's a scam? If you read the read the fine print, they are promising that the world will begin to end that day. Could take forever. It's a no-lose scam … Shhh! What? It's scary when the world might end. There are a lot of people out there who need comforting. Women people, I presume. Women people, I presume. Who take comfort in necking. And you belittle their fears?

Frog Family Selfie

"To verify you are the person who answered the phone, May I have your social security number and a major credit card."

Gone Phishing

"Would you please refrain from texting while I'm operating!"

"Fraud ..what fraud?... " SEC

'To be honest I generally only deal with clients by phone or email.'

"...and don't fall for that trunk enlargement scam."

"Excuse me, your honor. If you could just give us a few minutes, my client would like to pitch some time shares to the jury real quick."

"In going over your retirement papers, Wilcox. I've discovered you owe your soul to the company store."

'I need a small, temporary tax hike - I found a great investment opportunity in Nigeria.'

'Investing in a company whose website is Ponzischeme.come would raise red flags for me.'

"Would you believe it, that pensions liberation plan was just an on-line scam..."

"Me, I work with a professional snake catcher: he drops me into people's backyards at night and waits for the call in the morning to come and catch me again..."

"I don't . . . . the look of this...."

STRIP Hambone: Computer Estimates

P.T. Barnum as a child.

"I told mom I won't answer her calls in case a scammer got her number."

Recycling Bins: Plastic, Glass, Paper, and Last Year's Technology.

"Yes, you are speaking to university admissions!"

'Earn Dollars a Day by Doing Absolutely Nothing!'

"You mean all this time everything was really a screw?"