Scale Phobic Pillows

'Well, if I weigh that much after only putting one foot on, I don't think I have the courage to continue!'

Critisize your weight.

'I'm a virtuoso on the middle pedal.'

'Don't step on that in your bare feet - my mom does and screams.'

'No, that doesn't make any difference either, Miss Jones.'

Weight Gain Denial

"I gained 10 pounds? I've brought my own bathroom scale for a second opinion."

What your guitar says about you.

"My doctor told me to get more exercise by walking a pet, but he didn't specify it had to be a dog."

'No, it's not water. You seem to be retaining food.'

Paul was certain he had the largest pumpkin, until he discovered he was the smallest man.

"I do diet...between snacks."

"I wouldn't have to go on a diet if we hadn't gone metric."

Please seat to be weighted.

'Sorry, sweetie, but your weight is still the same.'

Woman and scales.

"Doctor, before we start you've got to promise me that I don't have to give up anything."

'Your weight second opinion.'

'Holding in your stomach won't help, sir.'

Lady Justice using metric scales.

'LIAR!'

'...And when it registers over 140 pounds, it automatically triggers the refrigerator lock.'

Woman on scales.

What would it take to get you to start running? Frankly, doctor, it would take someone chasing me.

'No matter what you do, you can't cheat a bathroom scale...'

'Wine and food doesn't go to waste in this hous, but it does go to waist.'

'You lie!'

'It doesn't matter, Mr. Katz — you're overweight standard or metric.'

'Doris, I know how much you weigh. Step on the scale and I'll hand you the fish.'

"I don't really hate vegetables...but they're my last line of defense before liver and onions."

Lady getting her weight taken and machine exploding under pressure.

'When was the last time you exercised?' 'Two minutes ago - when I jumped up onto your couch.'

'Amazing! You're the first patient I've ever met who gets blisters on his feet and pain in his back just by thinking of sport!'

Man to lady regarding 'Resistance Exercises' book: 'No thanks. I've been an expert on resisting to exercise for 20 years.'

Lady getting her weight taken and machine exploding under pressure.