Scale Scaring Pillows

'Don't step on that in your bare feet - my mom does and screams.'

Critisize your weight.

'I'm a virtuoso on the middle pedal.'

'No, that doesn't make any difference either, Miss Jones.'

"I gained 10 pounds? I've brought my own bathroom scale for a second opinion."

What your guitar says about you.

Weight Gain Denial

'No, it's not water. You seem to be retaining food.'

"I do diet...between snacks."

Paul was certain he had the largest pumpkin, until he discovered he was the smallest man.

"I have to go on a diet! According to that fisherman I have gained fifty pounds overnight!!"

Please seat to be weighted.

Trick or treat surprise.

Woman and scales.

'Sorry, sweetie, but your weight is still the same.'

"I wouldn't have to go on a diet if we hadn't gone metric."

'Well, if I weigh that much after only putting one foot on, I don't think I have the courage to continue!'

'Your weight second opinion.'

'LIAR!'

Lady Justice using metric scales.

'Well, we couldn't store all the corn.'

'...And when it registers over 140 pounds, it automatically triggers the refrigerator lock.'

'To make matter worse, our combined weight is higher than our credit score.'

Woman on scales.

'It doesn't matter, Mr. Katz — you're overweight standard or metric.'

'Doris, I know how much you weigh. Step on the scale and I'll hand you the fish.'

'No matter what you do, you can't cheat a bathroom scale...'

'Wine and food doesn't go to waste in this hous, but it does go to waist.'

'You lie!'

Lady getting her weight taken and machine exploding under pressure.

'I think it's having a core melt down!'

Lady getting her weight taken and machine exploding under pressure.

Scale SOS!

'Looks like all of that dieting was a waste. You were right when you said you have heavy bones.'

Mouse/Rat on weighing machine: 'I squeak your weight.'