Scale Fearer Pillows

'If you go on a diet and lose five pounds, only to gain ten the following month, how many infuriating godforsaken pounds do you weigh?'

Skiing.

Critisize your weight.

"And with you on guard, I won't have to worry about that monster under my bed."

'Yes, the treestand's maximum weight capacity is 300 pounds, you weigh 301 pounds.'

Dog scared of a toad jumps onto a 'Beware the Dog' sign.

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

The Smell of Fear

'Don't step on that in your bare feet - my mom does and screams.'

"I had that dream again where you're writing down all my fears and anxieties and working them into a screenplay."

"I could have been a big celebrity but for my fear of public speaking."

Weight Gain Denial

"I gained 10 pounds? I've brought my own bathroom scale for a second opinion."

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

'Mice escaped again@?'

'No, it's not water. You seem to be retaining food.'

"I do diet...between snacks."

'Well, if I weigh that much after only putting one foot on, I don't think I have the courage to continue!'

Woman and scales.

Please seat to be weighted.

'Sorry, sweetie, but your weight is still the same.'

"I have to go on a diet! According to that fisherman I have gained fifty pounds overnight!!"

'Never mind another doctor -- I'm referring you to the Bureau of Weights and Measures.'

"I wouldn't have to go on a diet if we hadn't gone metric."

"Tell me about your fear of policemen."

'Your weight second opinion.'

"Really Miss Jones...all this fuss over a silly little spider!"

'Let's try again but NO laughing this time!'

"The sheep all have rabies. Pass it on."

'Well, we couldn't store all the corn.'

'...And when it registers over 140 pounds, it automatically triggers the refrigerator lock.'

"It looks like they're getting tougher, honey."

'LIAR!'

'Today our special guest is Pamela, who will be telling us what it's like to have an extreme fear of being in the dark. To protect her identity we've placed her in a darkened studio.'

"And finally, would you say your fear of crime has increased?"