Scale Fearer Pillows

'If you go on a diet and lose five pounds, only to gain ten the following month, how many infuriating godforsaken pounds do you weigh?'

Skiing.

Critisize your weight.

"And with you on guard, I won't have to worry about that monster under my bed."

'Yes, the treestand's maximum weight capacity is 300 pounds, you weigh 301 pounds.'

Dog scared of a toad jumps onto a 'Beware the Dog' sign.

The Smell of Fear

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

'Don't step on that in your bare feet - my mom does and screams.'

"I had that dream again where you're writing down all my fears and anxieties and working them into a screenplay."

"I could have been a big celebrity but for my fear of public speaking."

'Mice escaped again@?'

"I gained 10 pounds? I've brought my own bathroom scale for a second opinion."

Weight Gain Denial

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

'No, it's not water. You seem to be retaining food.'

"I do diet...between snacks."

'Never mind another doctor -- I'm referring you to the Bureau of Weights and Measures.'

Woman and scales.

'Sorry, sweetie, but your weight is still the same.'

"I have to go on a diet! According to that fisherman I have gained fifty pounds overnight!!"

"I wouldn't have to go on a diet if we hadn't gone metric."

'Well, if I weigh that much after only putting one foot on, I don't think I have the courage to continue!'

I riry hay oey oo ah eh-eh! We'll never cure your fear of dentists if you keep talking like that.

Please seat to be weighted.

"Tell me about your fear of policemen."

'Let's try again but NO laughing this time!'

'Your weight second opinion.'

"Really Miss Jones...all this fuss over a silly little spider!"

"The sheep all have rabies. Pass it on."

"It looks like they're getting tougher, honey."

'LIAR!'

'Well, we couldn't store all the corn.'

'...And when it registers over 140 pounds, it automatically triggers the refrigerator lock.'

'Today our special guest is Pamela, who will be telling us what it's like to have an extreme fear of being in the dark. To protect her identity we've placed her in a darkened studio.'