Fitness Phobic Pillows

"Doctor, before we start you've got to promise me that I don't have to give up anything."

Man to lady regarding 'Resistance Exercises' book: 'No thanks. I've been an expert on resisting to exercise for 20 years.'

'When was the last time you exercised?' 'Two minutes ago - when I jumped up onto your couch.'

"My doctor told me to get more exercise by walking a pet, but he didn't specify it had to be a dog."

What would it take to get you to start running? Frankly, doctor, it would take someone chasing me.

Exit. My problem is restaurants have drive-throughs, and fitness centers don't. (Published originally on September 22, 2011.)

"Overreacting is the only exercise that I get!"

"Apart from winding up your watch what other exercise do you get"

"How many reps have you managed in the gym today?"

In the Guru District

"I hope you are enjoying the walk..."

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

'My feet are killing me.'

'You've hit the fitness plateau.'

"Things are still a little rough for me, and occasionally I lose hope and get depressed—but I'm getting stronger every day."

"Portrait of a Lady"

Lady drying hair whilst on exercise bike.

'I love your cardiovascular system!'

'Well, well, well...'

'Every piece of equipment is hooked up to battery cells in the basement, and we actually sell electricity back to the power company!'

Muscles

Turn, turn and turn.

'Hang in there, Larry, those endorphins will soon kick in.'

"You're a strong, virile stallion of a man, Randy. Has anyone ever told you that?"

Yearbook

'Well, well, well. It wasn't a 12 lb baby after all. It was a six pound one pumping iron.'

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

'Which one of you told Glurk to stretch before running?'

Monica Seles

"I can't decide. I'm having a brand identity crisis."

Bodybuilder pumping himself up.

Man at computer at sports company wears sweat band on head.

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

Sam's Gym. My problem is I can't get the body I want with the body I've got!