Scale Guru Gifts

"Yes, if that towel weighs 25 lbs that would explain the reading."

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

Apples for sale

Due to his low center of gravity, Jake is the greatesr broncbuster ever!

"Great! We're still going up! Chop a hole in the ceiling!"

Intelligent people laugh too!

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

"Fantastic presentation! All of the investors loved it."

If nobody had invented graphics

"#Win!"

'Believe me, I know transformation isn't easy. I pulled a muscle once.'

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

"Peterson proposes we move out of the mountains."

Bottle Bank: For the Colour Blind.

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

'Maybe the reason we don't have those 'off the chart' sales anymore is because our charts are too big.'

ACME Balloon Company.

"Now I'll demonstrate how, with a minimum of capital investment, you can make a mountain out of a molehill!"

"We've done a rigorous examination of your business plan using the latest algorithms to model future profits. . . which way up would you like it?"

Let's Celebrate

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

"Young man, go to your room and stay there until your cerebral cortex matures."

"Now this chart should clear up any confusion you have with the report."

He then drew a number of smaller pie charts behind the bigger chart. That helped to put it into perspective.

Sales chart plummets into employees head.

"At least we are consistently inconsistent."

'Now this is my kind of green!'

"Thank you, Harris - I get the picture."

If a moo can rise to the top, so can I.

"Bonk!"