Scale Exaggerator Gifts

"Together they were a 15-pounder."

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

“Sweet mother of Marmaduke... no!”

'What a CV - if you can write memos like this you'll go far in our organisation.'

Dog fetching clown shoes.

"A simple note from your mother would have sufficed, Tommy."

Early accounting scandals.

'The needle was THIS big!'

"Don't worry - you've got to expect a few midge bites on holiday..."

National Hyperbole Society: Inspirational & Outstanding

"Lost his first hat about nine months ago. Really tore him up too."

'You're an estate agent aren't you?'

Fat lady standing on a weighing machine. Its print out says 'I Quit!'.

'When I said in my on-line profile that I was athletic, I meant that I like watching sports!'

"Don't be so dramatic, you've only got a cold!"

"And that one I tagged with a flamethrower from ten yards."

"The fish gets bigger every time he tells the story."

'Oh, I would say it was at least twice that size, and it had fangs and horns too...'

"Okay. It's a balloon. Get over it."

"Hard work, determination, success!"

'I can tell this fish story just fine by myself, man's best friend.'

'Of course you realize my gold crown adds a lot to my weight.'

"It strikes me you're making a deal more fuss over this than it calls for, Dan'l."

Gigantic bird or tiny balloon?

"My wife took up walkin' a mile a day five years ago. Haven't seen her since!" "Lucky son of a..."

"I said it was INSPIRED by a true story."

"Remember my teacher made the class write a report about their parents? Well, to make it more interesting, I got 'creative' with the facts."

"And Tim is doing very well. He's a media distribution officer."

'Arrgh! Two fat ladies!'

Fish underwater with sizes written on them.

'Move back!'

'See? — that's the big one I got away from.'

'All my senses are very acute.'

BUS, 'I never have to take Muriel out to dinner any more -- I got a remote tuner for the bathroom scales.'