Scale Calibrator Humorist Gifts

'I was sent to calibrate the weights...'

When Love In The Laboratory Turns Sour.

'Hey, that one looks just like a visible mass of condensed water vapour floating in the atmosphere.'

"I don’t care that muscle weighs more than fat. I only know I work out here and gain 5 pounds!"

'We froze him until medical science knows how to cure spear wounds.'

'When Einstein wrote about time and relativity he must have been watching a football game where the last 30 seconds took two hours.'

SOUTH AFRICAN MUTANTS LAUGHING FIT

Working On Silly String Theory.

Lola Knows More Than She Lets On

Man blows horn and bubbles come out.

''Time is an illusion'? - How long did it take you to come up with that?'

"I gained 10 pounds? I've brought my own bathroom scale for a second opinion."

Carl Wilhelm Scheele: "There was a great display of ores and minerals...I could not write with a molybdenite pencil."

Weight Gain Denial

"That's a meteor. If it hits the ground its a meteorite."

"Scale" is a versatile word. We can scale rocks. Fish have scales. I love to catch and eat fish. There are music scales. We all enjoy music. Don't forget the bathroom scale. Sadly, when I step on one of those I'm reminded of the Richter Scale numbers recorded when I'm walking.

'No, it's not water. You seem to be retaining food.'

"We've concluded that an alarming percentage of the population are experiencing involuntary eye-rolling at the word 'inclusion'."

'STOP! You're injecting the wrong GMO gene!'

'Oh-oh, they're looking up at me ? I think they're on to us!'

'I'd say that our transport policy couldn't get any greener'

"I see - Gravity keeps the Earth in orbit but love makes the world go 'round."

Fat lady standing on a weighing machine. Its print out says 'I Quit!'.

"I wouldn't have to go on a diet if we hadn't gone metric."

Please seat to be weighted.

'Relax! I just read somewhere that 142 pounds is the new 125!'

Woman and scales.

'Excuse me, where's the nanotechnology department?' - 'You just trod on it.'

Tetracycline: Bicycle built for 4 organisms.'

'Your weight second opinion.'

'You shouldn't have forgotten the flag!'

Lady Justice using metric scales.

'LIAR!'

"Not again!"

'...And when it registers over 140 pounds, it automatically triggers the refrigerator lock.'