Scale Calibrator Humorist Pillows

'I was sent to calibrate the weights...'

'Hey, that one looks just like a visible mass of condensed water vapour floating in the atmosphere.'

"I don’t care that muscle weighs more than fat. I only know I work out here and gain 5 pounds!"

'We froze him until medical science knows how to cure spear wounds.'

SOUTH AFRICAN MUTANTS LAUGHING FIT

Lola Knows More Than She Lets On

Man blows horn and bubbles come out.

"I gained 10 pounds? I've brought my own bathroom scale for a second opinion."

''Time is an illusion'? - How long did it take you to come up with that?'

"That's a meteor. If it hits the ground its a meteorite."

Weight Gain Denial

Carl Wilhelm Scheele: "There was a great display of ores and minerals...I could not write with a molybdenite pencil."

'No, it's not water. You seem to be retaining food.'

"We've concluded that an alarming percentage of the population are experiencing involuntary eye-rolling at the word 'inclusion'."

'STOP! You're injecting the wrong GMO gene!'

'Oh-oh, they're looking up at me ? I think they're on to us!'

'I'd say that our transport policy couldn't get any greener'

Woman and scales.

Please seat to be weighted.

Fat lady standing on a weighing machine. Its print out says 'I Quit!'.

"I see - Gravity keeps the Earth in orbit but love makes the world go 'round."

"I wouldn't have to go on a diet if we hadn't gone metric."

'Excuse me, where's the nanotechnology department?' - 'You just trod on it.'

Tetracycline: Bicycle built for 4 organisms.'

'Your weight second opinion.'

"Not again!"

'...And when it registers over 140 pounds, it automatically triggers the refrigerator lock.'

Lady Justice using metric scales.

'LIAR!'

'You shouldn't have forgotten the flag!'

Suggestion Box for the Wather.