Saucy Wordsmith Gifts

'Do you call this spaghetti'

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

Rejected Titles For The Canadian National Anthem.

Cat Towels

"‘Extra vile old ox’? No, sir – it stands for ‘extra virgin olive oil.’"

'As a famous writer, could you do something to help jumpstart my career?'

Shakespeare loved a grammar joke

My other car has a bumper sticker that says this on it too.

Best Seller

'Did you really mean both me and a hippopotamus evolved from a tiny blob in the ocean?'

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

"Remorse sits in my stomach like a piece of stale bread. How does that sound?"

"He belongs to a lawyer."

'To err is human... but to forgive is against company policy!'

Shakespeare Ave

Olden Day Battle of the Bands (Bard vs Sonnet).

"What's 'ET' short for. . . ?"

A Poet

'He never listened to his mother!'

A bar selling 'crafty' beer is more popular than a bar selling 'craft' beer.

Football anagram: Curse straw mat (Answer: Marcus Stewart.)

You trip on it, you buy it.

Sharp Eyes

"I got into the coffee for the wordplay."

'I'd better check it for punctuation before you give it to him.'

"Wow, I cannot remember what I was saying."

Tom Stoppard

Bagel problems.

Bell Hop

"The pompano poached in parchment is very alliterative tonight."

Male On Sunday

"I just got a huge advance for my first novel. It's about a writer who gets a huge advance for his first novel."

"I'm the writer-in-residence."

'I hear he's quite a recluse - doesn't even have a blog.'