Sauce Sampler Gifts

'Diet considerations.'

Sauce for the Goose

'I'm sorry we put bearnaise sauce on your fillet by mistake. Randy will have it off there in a jiffy.'

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

Pasta

Sinking Sand

Pat's Bar, Rotgut Tasting 5-7.

De ja vu soup - 'It was yesterday's 'soup of the day'.'

"I asked folks to bring whatever they want, so now we have ten tubs of guacamole, no chips, and eight cases of the most obnoxiously flavored hard seltzer."

'Anyone else seeing a pattern here?'

Eating raw cake mix.

NEW FALL LINEUP

Spaghetto

"I don't understand it - no matter how much I drink coffee, play on my phone, refresh my e-mail, look up things online, go to the kitchen for snacks, message my friends, scroll through Twitter, and play with the cats, I still can't get any writing done."

'Smoked salmon and cream cheese. What's in yours?'

'Waiter! This broth tastes spoiled!'

"The doctor needs a spice sample."

'I came for the $1.99 seafood buffet--I'm staying for the restrooms.'

When Mrs Murray said you should vary your diet I don't think she meant to just try all 16 flavours of POT NOODLES.

'You know, hors d'oeuvres are completely lost on your side of the family.'

'The Tooth Fairy and her evil twin, the Sweet-Tooth Fairy.'

American 'Idle'.

'Dinner will be ready soon - we're going to try sushi tonight.'

'Italian, Russian or Ranch?'

'I've completed my inspection. You've got termites...I had no idea they were carnivores.'

"Have you ever thought about putting out, instead of pretzels, maybe peanuts?"

Working from home.

Midlife Madness

"Do you have 'Cheese and Pickle...?'"

"Something to make her forget that I forgot her birthday!"

'One day, my son, my entire collection of tomato sauce sachets will be yours'

'Dinner will be ready soon - we're going to try sushi tonight.'

"Yeah, you're right, these can cause long term health issues. But trust me, for you that's not gonna be a problem."

"Makes you wonder, doesn't it?"

Day at the Aquarium