Snack Sampler Gifts

"I don't understand it - no matter how much I drink coffee, play on my phone, refresh my e-mail, look up things online, go to the kitchen for snacks, message my friends, scroll through Twitter, and play with the cats, I still can't get any writing done."

'You know, hors d'oeuvres are completely lost on your side of the family.'

Sinking Sand

When Mrs Murray said you should vary your diet I don't think she meant to just try all 16 flavours of POT NOODLES.

American 'Idle'.

"Have you ever thought about putting out, instead of pretzels, maybe peanuts?"

Working from home.

Tartine

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

I'm at the shrub with the empty bag of pretzels we sniffed last week. Where are you?

Sauce for the Goose

I put a picture of my lunch on Facebook, and nobody hit "like." Who doesn't like Slim Jims and beer?

Super Heroes.

"I'm eating baklava through my balaclava!"

The Classy Dog: 'Dine & dance hotdogs: '50 cents a dance'.

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

'Football...Beer...Popcorn...that is Bernie's Stimulus Package.'

"The bagels are better in New York."

"With the prices they charge these days I can't afford to throw a pie or can off beer at the ref."

Pope tarts.

"We serve danishes because that's just how I roll!"

'Kudos to Bill for the cotton candy machine idea!'

"I was going to share my cookies with teddy, but he's on a diet....so I had to eat them all."

'Diet considerations.'

Diets: Sweets and Biscuits.

"Billy, we don't need to feed that vacuum robot."

"That's the door to the gym, past all the snack machines."

'Why, yes, I think that's a lovely sweater, Peter... But you know the rule: no snacks unless you brought enough for the whole class.'

Second aid

"Right before I die I'm going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels."

'I'm sorry we put bearnaise sauce on your fillet by mistake. Randy will have it off there in a jiffy.'

"We know you have better treats than raisins...we hacked your supermarket loyalty card."

Food van driving through an office.

Happy Meals for Grown Ups

'Has he been out with your mother by any chance?'