Sugary Snack Sampler Gifts

'The Tooth Fairy and her evil twin, the Sweet-Tooth Fairy.'

Sauce for the Goose

"The bagels are better in New York."

"I was going to share my cookies with teddy, but he's on a diet....so I had to eat them all."

'Diet considerations.'

Sinking Sand

"Always faithful to arrive early and, of course, get the dibs on the jelly doughnuts."

"Do you know donuts have fewer calories than you? I guess that would explain your muffin top."

Pat's Bar, Rotgut Tasting 5-7.

'I'm sorry we put bearnaise sauce on your fillet by mistake. Randy will have it off there in a jiffy.'

'Anyone else seeing a pattern here?'

Eating raw cake mix.

"We grind our own catnip."

"I recommend the pimento loaf with pickle. It's bursting with umami."

"I don't understand it - no matter how much I drink coffee, play on my phone, refresh my e-mail, look up things online, go to the kitchen for snacks, message my friends, scroll through Twitter, and play with the cats, I still can't get any writing done."

Large man uses 'Fat Nav' to lead him to large Christmas pudding.

Husband eats popcorn wife is stringing for Christmas tree.

'Get the kind with the little marshmallows.'

'Smoked salmon and cream cheese. What's in yours?'

"These are the best seats. Remember when they used to put us next to the bus stop?"

When Mrs Murray said you should vary your diet I don't think she meant to just try all 16 flavours of POT NOODLES.

'You know, hors d'oeuvres are completely lost on your side of the family.'

Salsa on a Stick.

'Every crowd has a silver lining!'

'Not eucalyptus leaves again!'

"Dad, what is a meal?"

"The face of the pear-shaped man reminded me of the mashed turnips that Aunt Mildred used to serve alongside the Thanksgiving turkey. As he got out of the strawberry-hued car, his immense fists looked like two slabs of slightly gnawed ham. He waddled over

Working from home.

"Have you ever thought about putting out, instead of pretzels, maybe peanuts?"

The individual cheese slice. Oddly, not the first choice for the truly individual.

American 'Idle'.

Factory raised chickens. . .Free range chickens. . . Chickens that crossed the road.

'I've completed my inspection. You've got termites...I had no idea they were carnivores.'

Would kill for some hors d'oeuvres right about now.

Cheeseboard mouse trap