Food Sampler Fan Gifts

"Yeah, you're right, these can cause long term health issues. But trust me, for you that's not gonna be a problem."

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

OFA. Onion Farmer of the Year. I told myself I wasn't going to cry ….

"Geoffrey's seasonal. I'm regional."

TV Chef Cooking Range

'I used to have a regular restaurant, but it kept burning down.'

"Maybe the pie chart should have been refrigerated."

"You know, it really wasn’t that bad."

"Fridge-to-table"

"Nothing is organic, local or sustainable. Now, can we get started?"

Sinking Sand

'What?! Not even one of you wants to see how they're made?'

'This tuna is being recalled. It contains seahorse.'

'To her...the basic 4 food groups are canned, frozen, fast and delivered.'

"The tiny red things were harvested from Frankie's bonsai tree."

"Don't you love this time of year when the squirrels taste like pumpkin spice?"

"That's $3.50 for the dog plus 75 cents toxic cooking water disposal surcharge."

F&E Diner. Special. Eggloo. Tink tink. The "Eggloo" is a frozen omelet!

Turkey Sandwich anyone?

"I don't understand it - no matter how much I drink coffee, play on my phone, refresh my e-mail, look up things online, go to the kitchen for snacks, message my friends, scroll through Twitter, and play with the cats, I still can't get any writing done."

"Hey Maurice! Take the menu, replace 'dish of the day' with 'local free range speciality' and double the price!"

'The food inspector, Sir!'

'Smoked salmon and cream cheese. What's in yours?'

'I'm sorry, but the free range chicken escaped.'

Pop up hell

'I'm removing you from the research department, Jones!'

'Let's buy juice from that mobile juice bar! Oh, it's gone.'

"The chef is a frustrated architect."

Impossicle.

When Mrs Murray said you should vary your diet I don't think she meant to just try all 16 flavours of POT NOODLES.

"Banana! Banana! My energy break!"

'Polly wants a cracker and you might as well throw in a bowl of chili while you're at it.'

'You know, hors d'oeuvres are completely lost on your side of the family.'

'The ice age wasn't all bad. Look what it did for the frozen food business.'