Satirical Sheep Gifts

'Slaug-ter house? I wonder what that is. C'mon, I'll race you!'

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

'Can't they just switch to smaller barrels?'

"Careful. That house has a taser."

"Defense budget... Do you have any idea how much catnip $700 billion would buy?"

"You do realise that the post is only part time, no more than 70 or 80 hours a week."

"Your shepherd, Louie, has retired. I'm Mr. Smathers. I will be your grazing-resource coördinator and flock welfare-and-security manager."

"I don't care if it's plant-based, you're creeping everyone out."

"It only made sense for us to finally merge."

"It's my helper trout!"

"Not enough money is being spent on safety, so be careful."

"Wow, these are great cartoons! We have to let them go, and anyway, cartoonists are on the endangered species list..."

"Any qualifications other than speaking the language."

"On Monday, they will introduce a new office layout and you'll be near Judy, who isn't good at sharing her charger. . ."

"The guy I bought him from says he's a pure sheepdog."

"If global warming is a left wing plot... it's a very good one."

"Sure, you can use the bathroom. But, you have to put your request in writing and send three copies to the personnel department."

Gore Vidal

Maybe I'd better write a thank you letter for the Last Supper after all

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."

"I think that before we put the flat on AirBnb we should have moved out."

Hook them with a crisis.

"I talked Vladi into skipping the transition to democracy in his country and just shooting straight over here with me."

'How are the cloning experiments of shepherds going?'

'And finally, sir, would you like your burger flipped by a Ph.D. in Philosophy, History or English Literature?'

Sheep-farts contribute to global warming...

"Now watch his reaction when I cough on him."

Hudson River Crouton

"You fight, you don't have sex—isn't it time you two tied the knot?"

The devil's profits.

"We try to inject a little humor in our statements, but you should take them seriously."

'Welcome aboard Todd. Let me introduce you to the rest of the crew.'

Heaven's Cattlegrid.

"You too, Merlot?"

'Let's go and lean against one of the vibrators.'