Satirical Savant Pillows

'It's cheaper than gas.'

The Ultimate Contract

'Now don't take this wrong, but it seems the whistling in your ears is just the wind blowing through your head.'

'That's funny, I'd like to go into politics too...'

'He got the job by constantly studying, MONKEY SEE-MONKEY DO'!'

'I like hopey, changey stuff myself, but it doesn't make good collateral.'

"Oh! I thought that was our party manifesto..."

Aeroflot, "Welcome aboard flight 451, possibly to Sverdlousk."

"Honestly! Syria, Egypt, Iraq! Is there anyone in the world who can actually make a decent effigy?"

"Finally! I can look at nude celebrity pics all day."

"I just got the sudden urge to open a Christmas Club account."

"Rumours of a crisis in the NHS are groundless...Spending is up by 2%, management ratios down by 62%..."

"We demand a safe space."

Failure is no an option: "I'd now like to speak on the topic of government bailouts!"

Tarzan mobile phone

"Brad? That man would give you the shirt off his back--as long as he had another one on underneath."

"It's his first offense!"

"Papers late again, Murphy?"

"We’ve been told to cut the drugs budget so in future Louella here will be chanting away your pain."

Own a little piece of heaven.

Ian Hislop

Covid Inquiry

The Fad Herald has called an emergency meeting. I give myself unto him. A special announcement: Evacuate! Emergency perparedness is in. Counting on the government is out. Trump will save us. I have a can of tuna and some batteries.

Bank. All our deposits are federally insured, sir -- to make a withdrawal, you'll need a note from the supreme court.

The 12 Days of Covidmas

Compete with This

1040 Individual Tax Return 2020

Donkeys are highly intelligent, strong, and have a unique ability to assess situations and respond with caution and instinctual wisdom...

British savings accounts

Rich man vomiting euros to a beggar.

A man peddles U.S. flags on the sidewalk, next to a man peddling copies of the U.S. constitution

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

Extinction of the dinosaurs fully explained

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'