Satire Savants Pillows

'And remember you success will be measured by how much money you donate to the universities alumni fund.'

Illogic Tree

"Elon Musk is buying rope and walnuts."

"Mother's dying to met you."

Vending machine says: 'No telemarketers will call' 50c.

Smokers' Airline

'I propose we extend the Bush tax cuts for all who earn up to 250,000 dollars. . .'

'It's been seven years bad luck.'

"They're going to support us! The president sent an aircraft carrier up the Afghan coast!"

"I'm going to use Aversion Therapy. Get better or pay me $300 an hour."

"It's for you."

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

"And when the canyon fills up, that's it; herd immunity."

Copycats

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

Life is for the birds.

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

"If we only used bigger clubs we would defeat our enemies every time, and we would dominate them forever!"

reincarnated worm...

The height of fashion in 1796

A man peddles U.S. flags on the sidewalk, next to a man peddling copies of the U.S. constitution

"Like I could date a guy from Notre Dame."

Needed Inventions: An Airbag To Protect The Viewer Against A Really Lousy Program.

"We don't care about his nose. We won't let him play because he's not vaccinated and won't wear a mask!"

"See..? We told you there was nothing there..."

"Let's say you've always wanted to make someone a mixtape to show them how much you care about them. What's the best order? Do you start with songs about how rich you are before moving on to the songs about love? Or vice versa?. . .What order would best simulate sincerity?"

"I don't like the looks of that!"

"Really? They're now giving out non-participation trophies?"

U of Debt

Extinction of the dinosaurs fully explained

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'