Humor Savant Pillows

'Do you every get the feeling you're being washed?'

The Games Man: Fishing is his sole form of exercise - but he considers it bad form to move more than his wrist when casting.

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

Larry's used art

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

Police Feline Unit

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

Grace For Flies

"Thor! I am Thor! Ha. Just kidding. I'm Tom the Seagull."

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

Albert Einstein

'Behold. Ed and Jim have finally reached nirvana.'

"Clear my schedule for the next five minutes. I feel the need for some spontaneous frivolity."

...And he calls himself the 'Green' Giant...

Formal SuitsBusiness SuitsBirthday Suits.

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

Pirate boy reciting the alphabet

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

'Remember only you can prevent forest fires.'

"Why do they do that?"

'Joe took the day off to go to the ball game. So I'll be sitting in for him until he gets back. Would you like me to fetch you something?'

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

'Think I preferred the old Irish barman.'

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.