Satirical Relationship Analyst Gifts

"Sure, I could do a second honeymoon. . . with who?"

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

I DATED A GUY FROM THE FAIR, BUT . . .

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

"April Fools'! You should’ve seen the look on your face!"

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

"Even though I wasn't always perfect, I feel deep down that I am now."

"I may be obsessive and I may be compulsive, but no way am I obsessive compulsive."

'I want to finish with him, but I'll have to wait until he's made the final payment on my engagement ring.'

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

"Men can keep a secret, but it takes a woman to tell them that it was supposed to be a secret!"

Awkward First Dates

'We have irreconcilable differences -- he's a MAN!'

Planned Parenthood: Not Tonight Dear. I Have a Headache.

I asked my girlfriend if there was someone else...

Relationships.

Sharing the Bed with Zeno

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

'At last, the newly discovered films of Woody Alien.'

"It's nothing, go back to sleep. I was just getting a DNA sample."

"I'm ready to go whenever you're through fussing with tablescapes."

'You can have any opinion you want as long as it's mine.'

'Silly me. I thought his 'Catch and Release' bumper sticker referred to his philosophy on trout fishing.'

"Oh darling! I just got your wonderful value added proposition! Of course I'll marry you!"

"I've had you appraised."

"I don't love you anymore, Barry, but I still think you're a great American."

"She's got money and he's a 'poet'."

"Remember that lovely couple of scarlet macaws we met in Puerto Jiménez? They split up!"

"I miss the way it was when I thought you knew everything."

"That was Brad with the Democratic weather. Now here's Tammy with the Republican weather."

'And that, in a nutshell, is why men don't understand women.'