Satirical Reader Gifts

"So other fish swim around the ocean in FEAR?"

'We just need to make a small incision to remove your credit card.'

Men should not be afraid to stop and ask for directions.

Books.

'I'm determined to get on that ethics committee if I have to bribe or blackmail everyone I know.'

Creating dummy corporations for dummies.

New! Books on toilet paper.

"The only hobby we tolerate is working on weekends."

"I know it's a foreign book...but I'm reading it with a local accent."

Man looks worried, as his fellow castaway reads book: 'Cannibalism for Dummies'.

Your daily horoscope.

'Dumming it Down for Dummies' Book.

'Coffee table books are so 20th century...this is a 'double expresso mochaito latte with cinnamon table book'!

"This one suggests I take a long walk off a short pier and this one says to go jump in the lake...I could use a vacation."

Health food shop: 'New for the corporate executive - 'moral fibre' supplements.'

In bookshop window: 'Quotes from Chairman Greenspan.'

"I read War and Peace, liked 1/2 of it."

"We're against the Wall and Trump's emergency declaration. Whatever happens at the border is of no concern to us..."

"Now the FDA says eye of newt causes cancer."

Best Sellers; Worst Sellers.

"It's the end of the world as we know it."

"...Selected for redundancy due to lengthy and unexplained absence ... blah...blah..."

"It's a process with five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, then you'll finally come to accept Obamacare."

Library: Self-Help Books and Blame a 'Rigged' Political System.

Books And Their Authors: "Hollywood's view of shoes..."

Reference - Who's Who. Who's Bailed Out.

". . . and if anyone here knows any reason why these two should not be wed, any reason at all, like, say, something that might have happened after a long heart-to-heart and a few too many drinks, for instance, last week maybe, something you felt bad enough to bring to Confession, which you definitely should have, because it's pretty serious- anyway, speak now..."

"I think that from time to time he likes to remind us how talented he can be by writing something terrible."

Dr. Manette Sinks In His Daughter's Arms As She Tells Him The Sad News

"Your book nauseated me. Did you do that on purpose?"

'Which? Covid-19 Variant' Guide.

"If you were stuck on a desert island who would you want to be with? Taylor Swift, Scarlett Johansson or Katy Perry? Okay, next. . . what item could you not do without?"

I liked the book better than the movie, but not as much as the "Dateline." "20/20," or "Primetime Live" specials.

"For Dummies" books. "For Jerks" books.

'They all ran after the farmer's wife, she cut off their tails with a carving knife...well, some of the tails wouldn't come off right away, so she had to chop, and chop, and chop, and...'