Satire Readers Gifts

Farmed Salmon Restaurant - Everyone squashed together.

"Welcome to Vanity Workshop. For the next thousand years you're to read out the size labels you've removed from your clothing."

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

"And when the canyon fills up, that's it; herd immunity."

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

Life is for the birds.

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

"If we only used bigger clubs we would defeat our enemies every time, and we would dominate them forever!"

reincarnated worm...

The height of fashion in 1796

"Like I could date a guy from Notre Dame."

'The good news is I had a very good year.'

Needed Inventions: An Airbag To Protect The Viewer Against A Really Lousy Program.

"We don't care about his nose. We won't let him play because he's not vaccinated and won't wear a mask!"

"See..? We told you there was nothing there..."

"Let's say you've always wanted to make someone a mixtape to show them how much you care about them. What's the best order? Do you start with songs about how rich you are before moving on to the songs about love? Or vice versa?. . .What order would best simulate sincerity?"

"I don't like the looks of that!"

"Really? They're now giving out non-participation trophies?"

U of Debt

Lesser known greek gods,

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."