Satire Readers Gifts

Farmed Salmon Restaurant - Everyone squashed together.

"Welcome to Vanity Workshop. For the next thousand years you're to read out the size labels you've removed from your clothing."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

Hollywood Sign Developers

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"And when the canyon fills up, that's it; herd immunity."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

Support the Ex-Troops

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

Pretty Flowers

Torturing the English Language

Life is for the birds.

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

reincarnated worm...

"If we only used bigger clubs we would defeat our enemies every time, and we would dominate them forever!"

The height of fashion in 1796

"Like I could date a guy from Notre Dame."

"We're looking for that perfect blend of vision, ambition and ethical ambiguity."

'The good news is I had a very good year.'

Needed Inventions: An Airbag To Protect The Viewer Against A Really Lousy Program.

Lesser known greek gods,

U of Debt

"Really? They're now giving out non-participation trophies?"

"I don't like the looks of that!"

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Writes A Novel

"Let's say you've always wanted to make someone a mixtape to show them how much you care about them. What's the best order? Do you start with songs about how rich you are before moving on to the songs about love? Or vice versa?. . .What order would best simulate sincerity?"

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

"We don't care about his nose. We won't let him play because he's not vaccinated and won't wear a mask!"

"See..? We told you there was nothing there..."

'I went to my boss and demanded the fruits of my labor. He gave me a Blackberry.'