Satirical Newswatcher Gifts

Fox News Broadcast Signal.

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

A slow Day on the Rolling News Channel

Fiscal cliff

Celebrity 10 o'clock news...

'Transistional Pope. Is that nice way of saying they hope he doesn't live too long?'

'That was the worst performance I've ever seen.'

"We know nothing. We'll be back in five minutes with nothing more."

Bad business inc.

'Russian scientists have determined where the meteorite than injured 1000 people came from. Thet say, 'It's not from around here.''

'A rogue nation robbed the World Bank!'

'Maybe it's one of those super-stations.'

"Hillary Clinton feels that sinners stigmatises people, so from now on, we're to call you service users."

'Ask your doctor if investing in the market is right for you.'

''60 Minutes' will not be seen tonight, because all our reporters seem to have gotten themselves locked up in a Turkish prison.'

'..Saddam Hussein's money stash could pay off the U.S. budget deficit.'

"I just feel fortunate to live in a world with so much disinformation at my fingertips."

"And, in a move sure to attract the attention of regulators, the private sector made a bid to acquire the public sector."

'...and now over to Humpty Dumpty for breaking news.'

"Watching people argue about the world situation night after night makes me feel like I'm doing something about it."

U.S. Gun Violence

Trump Coronavirus

"Greed, anger, envy and pride closed higher today, while lust, gluttony and sloth showed losses."

"You are polling very well with the highly motivated 18 to 26 year olds who never vote."

'Taxes? They're a penalty for doing well.'