Satirical Newswatcher T-Shirts

Fox News Broadcast Signal.

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

A slow Day on the Rolling News Channel

Fiscal cliff

The No-Spin Zone: Fox news( hurricane ).

'Transistional Pope. Is that nice way of saying they hope he doesn't live too long?'

Maybe the kids shouldn't watch the evening news.

'That was the worst performance I've ever seen.'

Celebrity 10 o'clock news...

"We know nothing. We'll be back in five minutes with nothing more."

Bad business inc.

And now it's time for "Critic's Corner." Today, Gene will criticize the basic structure of the universe.

'Russian scientists have determined where the meteorite than injured 1000 people came from. Thet say, 'It's not from around here.''

'A rogue nation robbed the World Bank!'

'Maybe it's one of those super-stations.'

''60 Minutes' will not be seen tonight, because all our reporters seem to have gotten themselves locked up in a Turkish prison.'

'..Saddam Hussein's money stash could pay off the U.S. budget deficit.'

Special Report from Paris...

"So much for the news, now for the corrections."

"Hillary Clinton feels that sinners stigmatises people, so from now on, we're to call you service users."

'Ask your doctor if investing in the market is right for you.'

You're on, caller. What's your problem? How do I get rid of a tenant so I can charge more rent? I get that question all the time. First, find out if your property is rent-controlled. If it is, go back in time to the moment you decided to rent it out and slap yourself. You have no business being a landlord, you greedy #%$*! What kind of music did the army use to get Noriega to leave Panama?

"I just feel fortunate to live in a world with so much disinformation at my fingertips."

"And, in a move sure to attract the attention of regulators, the private sector made a bid to acquire the public sector."

'...and now over to Humpty Dumpty for breaking news.'

"You are polling very well with the highly motivated 18 to 26 year olds who never vote."

"All is well!"

"Greed, anger, envy and pride closed higher today, while lust, gluttony and sloth showed losses."

Trump Coronavirus

'Today, the dollar continued to hold its value in relation to monopoly money.'

U.S. Gun Violence

The Mighty Wotizzit?! Part 7

This just in: A deadly new disease called "turkey leprosy" is threatening to ruin this year's holiday season. Symptoms include numbness in the feet, muscle weakness after working out, and potentially disfiguring dandruff. Sadie M. Cohen, the worlds foremost expert on turkey leprosy, issues the following statement from her front lawn. "You are all ignoramuses. There will be no further comment." What did she mean by that, Harvey? Good question. Let's discuss that for a few days.

"Watching people argue about the world situation night after night makes me feel like I'm doing something about it."