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The moderate Taliban are winning...

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

Political convention

Nun Fight.

Trappist Monk Discord

'What does it say, Dad?'

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

What do you suggest we do about this?

Aliens with abducted person look at a suggestion box.

HELLth Food Sprouts

"I don't suppose you get many sovereign rulers in here anymore?"

"Nixon was the same way when he first got here."

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

"Would you like to see the markup?"

"...in other news: Google has been admitted to the United Stations..."

'Staffers don't report we're managing decline. They report we met our targets and did out job!'

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

'The inaugural address? It's sort of like an opening monologue.'

"Actually, you do have a racist bone in your body."

Clone Factory

Shaman reads magazine entitled 'Witch Doctor'.

Man on left - 'What do you call a public servant who spends half their time doing private work?' Man on right - 'An MP?'

There were a million things Alexander Hamilton hadn't done

"Inactivists"

Trump Tariffs

"Oh, just the usual here, occupying Wall Street."

'It's an emergency, Doctor. The vitamin company needs an endorsement.'

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

'In my opinion, hold out for a doctor.'

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

'We're really just a mom and pop store...if mom and pop had 600,000 employees.'

Fiscal cliff