Satirical Laughter Lover Gifts

"I used to ooze sexuality, but it turned out to just be Chlamydia."

'...and why shouldn't she be sleeping with your next door neighbour - she's my wife!'

"You can outsource homework, but outsourcing a test would be very tricky."

'The wheel was great, but what have you done for me lately?'

Occu-Pie Mars

Trump Administration Raising White Flag in Ukraine

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

Larry's used art

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

'That's our mission statement.'

Grace For Flies

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

'Behold. Ed and Jim have finally reached nirvana.'

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

UK/US Free Trade Deal

...And he calls himself the 'Green' Giant...

Pirate boy reciting the alphabet

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

"Why do they do that?"

'Remember only you can prevent forest fires.'

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

"I believe we've found the weakest link."

"Don't worry, they normally look like little humans during the early scans."

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

Man painting over a 'You are here' sign.

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