Laugh Lover Gifts

'MILK FIGHT!'

'Would you quiet down! I can't hear myself yelling at you!'

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

'Next week's guest speaker is a stand-up comedian. There'll be a two drink minimum.'

"The 3 major networks have projected a winner..."

"Get lost, clown! You're giving us spineless slimy invertebrates a bad name...!"

"No, I don't think age brings wisdom. If that were true, my husband would be a genius. Wouldn't you dear?"

You were hilarious! Pretend to be modest! That'll impress em even more...

Tommy Cooper.

'Scientists have confirmed that smiling is contagious.'

'This is that fresh deer sign I was telling you about.'

'I just heard the President's State of the Union Address, and I have to admit that it's a hard act to follow... and I say that as a stand-up comic!'

Please stand by. As stocks soar, our announcer is having a fit of the giggles.

'What shall we watch - best security videos of 2013 or operating room bloopers, blunders and bleeps?'

"This call may be recorded and used to entertain our staff at their Christmas party."

'I've swapped the cooling fan for a heater: My laptop is working fine now...'

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

"This ashram looks good. Every night after dinner they have a stand-up guru."

'You're not alone, Mr. Scrapp. A lot of hyenas are sensitive to laughter in the bedroom.'

"As soon as this baby fires up, no more toothache!"

"Chuwunken. I don't even want to ask."

"Ladies and gentlemen, I've been wonderful, you've been the audience - goodnight!"

"Would you like to squiggle here something that no-one in a MILLION years would be able to read!"

Snowprov

"Come on in, Mr Pilbeam nothing to be afraid of."

Snowman

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

"The bad news is my doctor limited me to one glass of wine per day. The good news is I get to pick the glass."

"Target in range. Ready... hug."

'Your Chef's Surprise, sir -- a sauteed whoopee cushion.'

Stand-up comedy while you're away at work. 'What's the deal with fetching? ...And they expect you to run and go get it, so why did they throw it in the first place?' 'Ha! Ha! It's funny because it's true!'

'Right now I'm on a 'man diet'. No more boyfriends until I lose twenty pounds.'

'He doesn't get the jokes - he just laughs at the F-words.'

'Doors opening.' - 'Doors closing.' - 'Doors bored now.'

I laughed so hard that milk came out my nose.