Laugh Enthusiasts Gifts

"Open mike night"

'He'll not be writing any more quick-fire gags now he's crawling along at that speed, eh, Ern?'

"I don't want you to eat my homework. I want you to DO my homework."

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

The Games Man: Fishing is his sole form of exercise - but he considers it bad form to move more than his wrist when casting.

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

Police Feline Unit

"Thor! I am Thor! Ha. Just kidding. I'm Tom the Seagull."

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

"His first out-of-body experience."

Formal SuitsBusiness SuitsBirthday Suits.

"Clear my schedule for the next five minutes. I feel the need for some spontaneous frivolity."

'Yes, I know there's a deadline on this project.'

'Joe took the day off to go to the ball game. So I'll be sitting in for him until he gets back. Would you like me to fetch you something?'

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

'Think I preferred the old Irish barman.'

"My emotional support dog ate my comfort food."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"I call it 'Bad Dog.'"

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

Skiing.

'I can't force jocose if I'm not feeling it.'

Party of two? No, it was quite a large party.

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

Faster, Georges, faster!

Cariactures

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

"Oh, I like coming to the dentists. It's the only place where people actually ask me to spit!"