
Michael McIntyre.
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Michael McIntyre.
'That's our boy!' (Monkeys watching Lee Evans on TV).
'What have I told you about laughing on purpose, Mother?'
'OK, who's that at the back not clowning around?'
"All her other suitors could sing and dance of course, but Mummy chose me because I made her laugh as well..."
It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.
Project Length As Measured In Dog Years
"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."
Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?
"Do you want to pretend to be a doctor and I'll pretend to be a hotshot civil litigation attorney who sues you till your ears bleed?"
Zombie standup
'The proliferation of bird watchers make me more and more self-conscious...'
"What's a patent?"
Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.
'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'
Desk trays - 'in', 'out', and 'one of these days'.
"Why do they do that?"
'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'
"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"
'It's a deal, lets sniff bottoms!'
Love at First Sight
"Cat box"
Easter Island legs
"How long will we, the descendants of wolves, be content with table scraps and belly rubs?"
Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish
"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"
'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'
"Of all the buildings I've designed, it's probably the most handsome."
"When I was your age. I was really smelly."
"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"
"Oh, I like coming to the dentists. It's the only place where people actually ask me to spit!"
The Fourth Little Pig
'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'
'Why don't you just pull over and let them pass already?!?'
Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.
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