Laugh Lover Pillows

'OK, who wants to be a hero?'

'MILK FIGHT!'

'Would you quiet down! I can't hear myself yelling at you!'

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

'Next week's guest speaker is a stand-up comedian. There'll be a two drink minimum.'

"The 3 major networks have projected a winner..."

"Get lost, clown! You're giving us spineless slimy invertebrates a bad name...!"

"No, I don't think age brings wisdom. If that were true, my husband would be a genius. Wouldn't you dear?"

You were hilarious! Pretend to be modest! That'll impress em even more...

Tommy Cooper.

'Scientists have confirmed that smiling is contagious.'

'This is that fresh deer sign I was telling you about.'

'I just heard the President's State of the Union Address, and I have to admit that it's a hard act to follow... and I say that as a stand-up comic!'

Please stand by. As stocks soar, our announcer is having a fit of the giggles.

'What shall we watch - best security videos of 2013 or operating room bloopers, blunders and bleeps?'

"This call may be recorded and used to entertain our staff at their Christmas party."

'I've swapped the cooling fan for a heater: My laptop is working fine now...'

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

Dani Rovira

"This ashram looks good. Every night after dinner they have a stand-up guru."

'You're not alone, Mr. Scrapp. A lot of hyenas are sensitive to laughter in the bedroom.'

"As soon as this baby fires up, no more toothache!"

"Chuwunken. I don't even want to ask."

"Ladies and gentlemen, I've been wonderful, you've been the audience - goodnight!"

"Would you like to squiggle here something that no-one in a MILLION years would be able to read!"

"We call ourselves the 3 Geniuses. Unfortunately, we never quite caught on."

Snowprov

"Witnesses said his last words were 'This guy's killin' me.'. . . you're under arrest."

"Come on in, Mr Pilbeam nothing to be afraid of."

Snowman

Conan O'Brien

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

"The bad news is my doctor limited me to one glass of wine per day. The good news is I get to pick the glass."

I found closure this afternoon, Dr. Kapuchnik. Did you recently lose someone, Al? No. My fly was open all morning.

"Target in range. Ready... hug."