Laugh Enthusiast Pillows

'That's odd. For most people, getting a pet helps lower blood pressure.'

'I said 'blow' not 'suck'!'

"I don't know whether to be mad that you had water this whole time or impressed with your commitment to the joke."

'Hi. I just rowed in from Norway and boy! Are my arms Thor!'

"But seriously, folks. I'm dyin' up here!"

Fish Pedicure

Bucky's dream of becoming a stand-up comedian ended abruptly the very first time he stepped into the spotlight.

'A friendly reminder, Mr. Parker: There's only room for one long, raucous, 'what-a-stupid-question' laugh in this company, and it's not yours.'

'Summited Mount Everest, did you? Was that just the one time?'

"...dry your eyes, m'boy, and always remember: Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Weep, and the world laughs AT you."

Parroting

Going Down Well

'Oh dear, it looks like the men have been talking about work again.'

'Well if you don't get it, you should stand for parliament!'

"Mummy, am I sick? My teacher said my laugh was contagious..."

"Can you do any other impressions, apart from; John, your milkman?"

"Oh, I like coming to the dentists. It's the only place where people actually ask me to spit!"

King and Jester

"The paper shedder must be getting too much fiber, it just flatulated"

'If laughter's the best medicine, why are comedians such miserable b******s?'

Santa and Eyechart.

Kid has pot stuck on his head.

'Please stand by -- we have temporarily lost our edge.'

'I was practising my stand-up comedy routines in here last night and cracked up the bell.'

'You are here' T-shirt,

"Ok, ok, how's everyone feeling tonight besides a thousand dollars poorer?"

"It's just the milk talking."

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

The Games Man: Fishing is his sole form of exercise - but he considers it bad form to move more than his wrist when casting.

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

"Thor! I am Thor! Ha. Just kidding. I'm Tom the Seagull."

Police Feline Unit