Satirical Comics Admirer Gifts

"You say you were robbed? Could you describe the culprit?"

'Now forget the old rules, boy! You can do it right here! Just do it, boy! C'mon, do it!'

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

"Don't you just hate restaurants that make you feel rushed?"

"How could we be short? You had enough chocolate for everyone on our list!"

'In the computer simulation he said he admired my candor and gave me a raise.'

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

"It was the most relaxing massage I've ever had."

"Call me selfish if you want, but I have no issue with spoiling the farmer's Christmas lunch: I'm out of here..."

God Bless America, God Help Syria

"My name's God, and I approve this message."

"Is this your bright idea, Janet?"

'It's not the same. I was caught stealing office supplies. You, on the other hand, got caught stealing ideas.'

Focus Group Failures

'OMG! Is it Christmas already?'

"No offence Jon, but..."

'Margaret our phone's been tapped!'

"It must be near New Year's Day...There are Easter eggs in the shop windows!"

'What's your poisson?' (Man reading report on Farmed Salmon Toxins Scare).

'Burf, I think the ants are trying to tell us something.

NHS Suicide Counselling

'You don't sniff my butt anymore.'

'Whoops! Get my lawyer on the phone!'

'You're so sophisticated and witty...and muscular...do you work out? Why, yes, I'd love to come back to your place.'

"Be careful of what you say. The CEO is listening in."

"You don’t seem happy here."

"Sorry, Barnes, but you're not getting credit for that deal you closed. You tested positive for job performance enhancing drugs."

"We can't have Single Payer - what will people do without claim denials and endless hoops to jump through?"

"See that guy over there? Used to be a real headliner."