Satirical Cartoon Admirer Gifts

"Can you hang on a sec? I think I just took another picture of my ear."

The president shows up in Houston wearing stilettos.

'It's worse than you think, sir -- those are the teachers' average reading scores.'

"Sorry, Barnes, but you're not getting credit for that deal you closed. You tested positive for job performance enhancing drugs."

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

"The article you sent me on how technology causes stress crashed my computer."

"Don't you just hate restaurants that make you feel rushed?"

'One final question: Have you ever been disciplined, investigated or suspended for integrity on the job?'

"How could we be short? You had enough chocolate for everyone on our list!"

"How long before the clinical trials are over?"

'And we have an employee wellness program. By not offering health insurance or sick pay, we encourage wellness.'

'Steve says that he doesn't understand why the liberals are so glum! They already have a majority.'

DOWN WITH THE KING!, 'Do you know what the PENALTY is for disturbing the peace during wartime?'

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

'Enter His Royal Globalness...'

"It was the most relaxing massage I've ever had."

"We didn’t have enough in the budget to replace you with a real robot."

"Consumer confidence remains high as long as we keep them distracted buying stuff."

Santa's Helpers

"I don't know how to tell you this, but it looks like you have a brain the size of a walnut."

"Sure, it's a break you can live with... but screw one more socket and you're toast!"

'That's what I like about you Roberts, you're not afraid to get out there and take a risk.'

IRS: The country is broke, but your taxes cannot be construed as 'Charity to the Poor'.

God Bless America, God Help Syria

"You may have heard some very slanderous rumours about this company."

Attorney At Law: Today's special - Bankruptcy and Divorce. Two for the price of one.

'I'm afraid there's been a 23% cut in the 'empathy and compassion' budget so you'll have to tell him to sod off now!'

'Have you heard about the new Medicare drug plan called plan C? Medicare gives you $30 for a bus ticket to Canada!'

'Is it urgent?'

"You'll go far...you think like a man..."

'You may have an adverse reaction when I administer this. It's your medical bill.'

'Remember Jones, your organs are worth more to us than your intellectual property.'

'OMG! Is it Christmas already?'

'Taking bribes is understandable, Senator, but you really shouldn't keep billing records.'