Satirical Adventurer Gifts

What if...school uniform was made of leather.

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

"This bag is carry-on, and this one is kick-drop-throw-and-pile-on."

Get crazy once in a while

'Whup - giant anaconda about to attack - quick Peg, hand me something to take care of it with.'

"Lori, go ahead and toss in 'Lolita.' Now, what's next?" "We'll need more lighter fluid." "'The Lottery' is devils work." "We must protect the children." "Book burning club"

Man fishing with large bait

"Now you can send it."

"Water balloons... water balloons..."

"What do you mean blood sucking pest? You're the one who invited me into your life!"

"True, a salary cap on Wall Street may limit the talent pool, but, on the other hand, if they get any more talented we'll all be broke."

'As you can see,we run a completely paperless office.'

Actual Extent Of Doug's Off - Road Adventures (Touching the kerb)

Wherever the Trail Leads. . .

World Food Summit - No food and drink allowed in the auditorium.

What happened when the bond issues failed during the building of the Great Wall of China: The Great Picket Fence of China.

Evolution Of The Jet Ski

"I'm a common dolphin, I swim the west coast of Scotland foraging for fish and squid."

"I liked it better when it was 'don't ask, don't tell the New York Times'."

"...it's another metal detector."

"We did our best for your husband but his poor old health insurance was too weak..."

Goldylocks and the Three Beers.

"I work smart, instead of hard. You do all the work and I take all the credit."

"Cartoonist are harmless? Not at all!! These people have weapons!! Here, see for yourself!"

"I'm feeling adventurous today, Penny – let's tack on a block."

Party-Crashing Ban

'Not only can I not find the middle class tax cut, I can't find the middle class.'

Militant Pacifists

"Look! I can almost spot the bar I should be in right now!"

"You work for the family business, and I am your father, not the patriarchal oppressor..."

'This is a very dysfunctional company. No one will talk aboaut about the elephant in the boardroom!'

"You have arrived at your destination."

"Alright, fire me. But I'm taking back your "World's Greatest Boss" coffee mug!"

"My parents just raised my home school tuition."

"Closing averages on the human scene were mixed today. Brotherly love was down two points, while enlightened self-interest gained a half. Vanity showed no movement, and guarded optimism slipped a point in sluggish trading. Over all, the status quo remained unchanged."