Satire Enjoyers Pillows

"Now the GPS is saying, around the world in 90 days."

'I'm sick of you leeching off me.'

The hostage rescue team

"Last Vape?"

'The wheel was great, but what have you done for me lately?'

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

Trump Administration Raising White Flag in Ukraine

Occu-Pie Mars

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

"And when the canyon fills up, that's it; herd immunity."

'That's our mission statement.'

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

UK/US Free Trade Deal

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

Life is for the birds.

"I believe we've found the weakest link."

Trump pardons

Do Not Resuscitate

"Boss, the AI is actually smarter than all of us! It read our business forecast, jumped up and ran out laughing!"

'I'm judging by your silence Al that you're giving me the green light on the Greenwich project. I just want to say that I admire your leadership. I guess that's why you've been running this company for 20 years.'

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

UK border controls relaxed.

'His best qualities are circumventing questions and evading answers.'

"Why don't we switch off the news and give Brexit up for Lent?"

'Sire, Sodom and Gomorrah are requesting Federal disaster relief aid.'