Satire And Sarcasm Lover Pillows

"Nurse! Google this thingamajig and find out where it fits back in."

'The wheel was great, but what have you done for me lately?'

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

Occu-Pie Mars

Trump Administration Raising White Flag in Ukraine

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

'That's our mission statement.'

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

UK/US Free Trade Deal

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

"I believe we've found the weakest link."

'I'm judging by your silence Al that you're giving me the green light on the Greenwich project. I just want to say that I admire your leadership. I guess that's why you've been running this company for 20 years.'

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

Do Not Resuscitate

Trump pardons

"Boss, the AI is actually smarter than all of us! It read our business forecast, jumped up and ran out laughing!"

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

"Why don't we switch off the news and give Brexit up for Lent?"

'His best qualities are circumventing questions and evading answers.'

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

"Away with the warmonger!"

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

This Message Has No Content

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

'Sire, Sodom and Gomorrah are requesting Federal disaster relief aid.'

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

'You realize, we can't use the 'benign neglect' method for everything.'

Oligarchy

"I can't decide what I fear the most, Putin's Russia or Putin's America."