Satire And Sarcasm Lovers Pillows

"I wrote you a poem about how much I want to sh*g you!"

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

Life is for the birds.

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

"Like I could date a guy from Notre Dame."

#Thanksgiving #Nofilter

U of Debt

"You're a strong, virile stallion of a man, Randy. Has anyone ever told you that?"

"Hoskins, try saying 'profits are up' without the finger quotes, okay?"

"See..? We told you there was nothing there..."

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

"I thought they were cracking down on jaywalking."

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

Cord cutter

"What's wrong with swallowing up other companies?"

'Someday TVs will be in big boxes on the floor.'

So I guess the moral of Hansel and Gretel is always carry your cell phone!

God not-too-happy with the Humans sticking a 'Closing DOWN Sale!' sign on planet Earth

Next gen pregnancy tests.

"My tariffs will move the world in a new direction!!"

Hello, my name is riskyy@ronny5 and I am addicted to comments boards.

"She wishes to range free!"

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

'Due to government surveillance, is my allowance taxable?'

"This is Briggs, our new department head. He's got an amazing knack for reducing complex problems into easy-to-understand witch hunts!"

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."