Sat Preppers Gifts

The 5 paragraph essay is sooo stupid. Why do we have to learn it? So you can get good SAT scores. That will get you into a good college, and then a good job. So you never have to write another 5-paragraph essay again.

In addition to brilliant grades and perfect SATs � Parents' night. College admissions. Your child should excel at 3 sports and lead a school extra-curricular like the newspaper. Don't the arts count? Sure! If your child sings, for example � A part on 'Glee' or in the Metropolitan Opera would certainly help. Our kids are doomed.

"Nervous about this morning's presentation?"

"We'd better stock up on TV snacks in the event of war."

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

'I feel confident about our presentation. If there is any blowback, don't worry. We're both wearing our flak jackets under our suits.'

"If the meeting goes on for longer than scheuled...I'm prepared!"

Cheer up-things aren't so bad.....

"I thought I was a hoarder, but it turns out I'm a prepper."

Prepper Dog

Energy Conservation Be Damned. Fred constantly prepared for Global Warming and Nuclear Winter to happen at the same time.

The end is near - well, at least for the sandwich board guy.

Judgment Day is coming next Monday. Repent. Now, hold on. How can I believe you when so many dire prophecies haven't come true? I sealed myself in a shelter twice in the late '60s, hid in the Appalachian Mountains a decade later. A huge bunching of Judgment Day visions in the late '80s led me to simply get a time share in the Colorado mountains … Getting out of town doesn't spare you Judgment Day. I don't think. Lemme double-check the clues in Marmaduke. Mostly I needed an excuse to get away. Th

'To prepare for Y2K, I backed up all discs and documents. . . stockpiled water and non-perishables. . . converted my investments to cash and set up a wood burning stove.'

"What, no day spa? And you call this a luxury bunker."

Hiker Followed By Paramedic

"This isn't just about the wolf anymore, is it?"

"Always be prepared."

How to survive the coming crash.

When a nanosecond is forever.

I figured out how these folks keep guaranteeing the precise day the world ends. Shhh. Keep it down. Why? It's a scam? If you read the read the fine print, they are promising that the world will begin to end that day. Could take forever. It's a no-lose scam … Shhh! What? It's scary when the world might end. There are a lot of people out there who need comforting. Women people, I presume. Women people, I presume. Who take comfort in necking. And you belittle their fears?

"Every time Trump wins a primary, we get one step closer."

Climate Change Contingency House

"I like to see a man who's prepared, Remson!"

'I've been carrying these placards around for over twenty years! It's about time!'

"I'm afraid there's just so far you can go with street smarts."

Goldfish Insurance: " We must insure against a deluge of BIBLICAL proportions. . ."

"The asteroid will hit in 2032, but I’m prepared!"

"Ned is getting ready for the oceans to rise."

"Don't sweat the huge stuff."

"Your 401(k) is a low-risk investment, other than a few stocks that happen to finance the end of human civilization as we know it."

An doomsayer stands at a waterfalls' edge.

Llamageddon and the Alpacalypse

"But part of me hopes there never is an Armageddon."

"I think whatever's going to happen next has already happened."