Sassy Singleton Gifts

ACME COMPUTER DATING SERVICE, 'She should be attractive, intelligenty, charming, and funny, or best offer.

What's In Her Bag? Coachella Edition!

'You're so nice and friendly that I've got nothing to moan about. That's a bit of cheek!'

Whatever!

'It's hard finding a caring,sensitive and good looking man. Most of them already have boyfriends.'

I'm Aging Gracefully...so SHUT UP!!!

'Sigh - Yes, I will probably be dying alone.'

She hated first dates. She always ended up sounding desperate.

"Does the phone in my back pocket make my butt look too big?"

"Lucky!"

Boyfriend Shirt.

"You know you have a weak heart, mom. Sit down on your favorite rocking chair and just it easy."

Dating site - buy a dog.

"Miss. Did you ever actually meet Julius Caesar?"

"Do you have something that says, 'Quit stalking me'?"

"In other words homogenius."

'I don't eat organic foods. At my age I can use all the preservatives I can get.'

"I almost had a 'I need a man' moment last night....but then I managed to get the cork out of the wine bottle myself."

"Sweetie, words have the power to hurt. I'll teach you some of the most effective ones."

'Sorry, I can't hear you because this jerk in front of me has a really crinkly wrapper.'

'...Ok clothes, for the way you or someone else could live if you chose to, but you don't so you buy the clothes anyway as silly, sassy statement of defiance!'

"Can think of 14 reasons to leave you, plus your obsession with tennis."

"The name's Grambo. Get of my petunias!"

"Have your people get in touch with my people."

The quest for spinsterhood.

"I'm liver spot spice."

"Copywriting is too 'writing.'"

"'Lone Wolf"? No babe, you've misread it: my online profile reads 'Love Wolf'!"

"That's what I'd give my sister-in-law if she could take care of nice things."

"How's that for a pour over, coffee boy..."

A lady teaching a young man to write

'I've been through all the men on the dating sites ... I need to see your male mug book.'

"Must everything be hormonal? Can't I just be in a bad mood sometimes?"

"On your mark, get set, go!"