Sassy Stylist Gifts

"Does the phone in my back pocket make my butt look too big?"

The Stat-shoe of Liberty.

"How come in these days of downsizing and lower expectations, all these sneakers come with ridiculously long laces?"

"Next time you meet me dressed as a giant boy, it's going to cost you a pair of diamond earrings."

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

Victoria's secret lovers: Barry, Al, Percy.

'You're so nice and friendly that I've got nothing to moan about. That's a bit of cheek!'

Whatever!

'Wow - My kind of man.'

Stand back - while I whip something up

I'm Aging Gracefully...so SHUT UP!!!

"I agree, it is important to look good, but wearing high heels during a workout may be a little counter productive."

"It's not he worst meal I've ever eaten, that was your dinner yesterday."

Furniture from hell.

"I've had many men in this town darling, but many men have not had me."

"To prove I'm human, I check the box. It still won't let me in."

If clothes make the man make sure yours don't make you into a twat.

"You know you have a weak heart, mom. Sit down on your favorite rocking chair and just it easy."

Could you make me look a little bit more 'cowy'?

"In other words homogenius."

"Do you have something that says, 'Quit stalking me'?"

'Perfect birthday party dear, but so it should be after the practice you've had over so many years.'

"Miss. Did you ever actually meet Julius Caesar?"

'I don't eat organic foods. At my age I can use all the preservatives I can get.'

'I think you'd look pretty good in a bun.'

Man with curly moustache and eyebrows.

"Aren't you worried that I may be a serial killer..?"

"I'm alright, it's my hair...I need more hairspray."

"He's perfectly nice, but sort of boring, like good cholesterol or something."

"Sweetie, words have the power to hurt. I'll teach you some of the most effective ones."

"And which solar system are you from?"

Barnyard wigs.

The grim reaper tries on new clothes

"Can think of 14 reasons to leave you, plus your obsession with tennis."

ACME COMPUTER DATING SERVICE, 'She should be attractive, intelligenty, charming, and funny, or best offer.