Sassy Speaker Gifts

"Sweetie, words have the power to hurt. I'll teach you some of the most effective ones."

A lady teaching a young man to write

"Yeah, I got into trouble, but I think the principal really enjoyed my rendition of 'I Did It My Way.'"

"Them's cat-fightin' words, Arlin!"

What's In Her Bag? Coachella Edition!

'What? I'm scratching the sofa! I'm not! And if I was? It's your fault!'

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

"If I wanted your opinion I would have hauled you in for questioning."

"I work smart, instead of hard. You do all the work and I take all the credit."

'You're so nice and friendly that I've got nothing to moan about. That's a bit of cheek!'

Whatever!

Stand back - while I whip something up

I'm Aging Gracefully...so SHUT UP!!!

"Jeez, calm down, Bill. We're not saying you're wrong... Just that you're an idiot."

"It's not he worst meal I've ever eaten, that was your dinner yesterday."

'What do you mean, 'act my age'?... If I did that I'd be dead!'

Furniture from hell.

"I've had many men in this town darling, but many men have not had me."

"Does the phone in my back pocket make my butt look too big?"

"In other words homogenius."

"Miss. Did you ever actually meet Julius Caesar?"

'Perfect birthday party dear, but so it should be after the practice you've had over so many years.'

'I don't eat organic foods. At my age I can use all the preservatives I can get.'

"Sleazy listening FM. We always lower the tone."

"He's perfectly nice, but sort of boring, like good cholesterol or something."

"Can think of 14 reasons to leave you, plus your obsession with tennis."

'Sorry, I can't hear you because this jerk in front of me has a really crinkly wrapper.'

'...Ok clothes, for the way you or someone else could live if you chose to, but you don't so you buy the clothes anyway as silly, sassy statement of defiance!'

"Have your people get in touch with my people."

The quest for spinsterhood.

Nice try, but you can't blame your empty highball on global warming.

"'Lone Wolf"? No babe, you've misread it: my online profile reads 'Love Wolf'!"

A Fact.

'The computer's running on at the mouth again.'