Sassy Retort Fan Gifts

"So, why are you crossing the road?"

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

Director/Action Man toy.

"This is the perfect way to watch movies if you love mosquitoes and having a cold, wet butt."

Doctor examining Easter Island statue.

King Henry and his Cheshire bride

Fabrique en Francais (Made in France).

One Man's Meat is Another Man's Poetry

What's normal?

"No Frodo, we are still many leagues from Mordor. This is from a wildfire by I-5 west of Bakersfield."

" ... and peace be with you, although not likely."

"It's a cage. It's gilded, and I love it."

"Actually, the district office is getting better results with a fresh garlic bagel."

'I went to my boss and demanded the fruits of my labor. He gave me a Blackberry.'

The Working Woman's Magazine

'Wow! -- Talk about a paradigm shift!'

"The Chicken: Just another body type that shouldn't be permitted to wear yoga pants."

'Oh, so now the ocean isn't GOOD enough for you?'

'Mom, don't you understand? Those collars are symbols of subservience and repression!'

'I look forward to a bigger and bolder vision in my 2nd term.'

The Snarky District

"I find that hugely offensive!"

On the brink.

How am I abducting?

"Ahhh....I think that was a flying fuck."

The prophet who changed water into diet grapefruit soda.

'Curious how all four previous employers spelt 'exceptional' with just an 'x'.'

'Your husband? He's just leaving...'

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

"Well, that certainly killed my buzz."

Parade of Businessmen

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

"It's about sex and revenge, except for a short chapter on the Continental Congress."

'Good evening! The debate over animal experiments continues...'

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.