Sartorial Savvy Gifts

"And now. . . which shoes?"

Do you have a larger suit in the same size?

'I know one of my shoulders is lower than the other. It's because my father's guiding hand is always on that shoulder.'

'This is too small. Get me a 12...How many times?! I'm a 10 or a 12 on top and a 12 or 14 on the bottom depending on the shop, the cut of the fabric, the ambient air temperature, and the rotation of Pluto...and we always try the 10 first capiche?'

"I just hope the world doesn't end before people can see our outfits."

"Buzz off, Fly-boy. We don't need more accessories."

Hats and Food

"We don't observe 'casual Fridays' here."

The Coiffing - to Illustrate poem 'The Ballad of a Barber'

"I don't care what it was or how hard it was to kill. It makes me look fat."

The latest in Eyewear.

'The difference between the sexes...First Contact...'

'Good to know my whole social life hasn't been a complete waste.'

When the traditional and contemporary services overlap.

'The Parkinson would be good PR, but should I wear the hair shirt or the sackcloth and ashes?'

'Now that's what I call a beautiful fit.'

Man in a Tuxedo

"I want it to look good, but not ill-gotten-gains good."

'Hornsby, you're fired. Incidentally, I like your tie.'

"May I make a wardrode suggestion, Harris."

'We want to adopt a kid. Do you have a choice our feng shui consultant can look at?'

"It's not so much a 'power' suit anymore – it's more of an 'happy to be employed' ensemble."

Butterfly Bow-tie.

'I can just make it out. She's saying 'call my hairdresser'.'

"This is our new one-piece for the more mature ladies."

'Take ten years off the top.'

Designer labels "I'm sorry, but I think I've forgotten your name."

Parking meter holdup

'Maybe a tad too much eye makeup.'

Fluff It Up. A hairdresser creates an amazing Afro.

"Have you ever wondered what I'd look like in skinny jeans?"

All dressed up - Nowhere to go.

'What do you call a blonde doing hand stands? A brunette.'

A man goes insane from receiving too many ties.