Sartorial Savvy Pillows

"And now. . . which shoes?"

Do you have a larger suit in the same size?

'I know one of my shoulders is lower than the other. It's because my father's guiding hand is always on that shoulder.'

'This is too small. Get me a 12...How many times?! I'm a 10 or a 12 on top and a 12 or 14 on the bottom depending on the shop, the cut of the fabric, the ambient air temperature, and the rotation of Pluto...and we always try the 10 first capiche?'

Hats and Food

"I just hope the world doesn't end before people can see our outfits."

"Buzz off, Fly-boy. We don't need more accessories."

The Coiffing - to Illustrate poem 'The Ballad of a Barber'

"We don't observe 'casual Fridays' here."

"I don't care what it was or how hard it was to kill. It makes me look fat."

The latest in Eyewear.

'The difference between the sexes...First Contact...'

'Good to know my whole social life hasn't been a complete waste.'

Ladies Fashions - "Money isn't tight - you are!"

"I'm thinking of changing my parting."

When the traditional and contemporary services overlap.

'Now that's what I call a beautiful fit.'

'The Parkinson would be good PR, but should I wear the hair shirt or the sackcloth and ashes?'

"I want it to look good, but not ill-gotten-gains good."

Man in a Tuxedo

'Hornsby, you're fired. Incidentally, I like your tie.'

"May I make a wardrode suggestion, Harris."

"It's not so much a 'power' suit anymore – it's more of an 'happy to be employed' ensemble."

'We want to adopt a kid. Do you have a choice our feng shui consultant can look at?'

'I can just make it out. She's saying 'call my hairdresser'.'

Butterfly Bow-tie.

"This is our new one-piece for the more mature ladies."

'Take ten years off the top.'

Designer labels "I'm sorry, but I think I've forgotten your name."

Parking meter holdup

Fluff It Up. A hairdresser creates an amazing Afro.

"Have you ever wondered what I'd look like in skinny jeans?"

'Maybe a tad too much eye makeup.'

All dressed up - Nowhere to go.

The usual? My daughter's all over me about dyeing my hair. I want to go totally natural! Fine. Which would you like? Natural ash, honest honey or real platinum blonde? Which does Mother Nature use?