Sarcastic Stylist Pillows

'Striped cats make me appear thinner.'

'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Hamburger bar, "I don't like the look of this Charlie"

"Delegating authority is good. Delegating blame is better."

'Did you clear this through Legal first?'

'I knew this was a bad place to work when I saw that they call the company handbook 'the Owner's Manual.''

Redhead

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

"The bad news is we've fired 80% of your office. The good news is we're fixing the coffee machine."

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

"Try unplugging it and throwing it out the window."

'I had to stamp down on staff using nicknames at work. They even had one for me!'

'Yes, it's easy to make a mistake in a conduct dismissal, Bob. But as mistakes go this is a big one.'

'Don't give up hope, Senator- We've worked out a plan to decrease your name recognition.'

"Phizby, your can't do attitude has really cut down on screw-ups around here. Keep up the good work!"

"True, it is 'organic.' It's also a dead squirrel!"

'I'm not sure how you managed to burn a bowl of cereal.'

"I work smart, instead of hard. You do all the work and I take all the credit."

"I guess the point I'm trying to make is, calling the committee on Progress and Evolution a bunch of know-it-all nincompoops might have felt good when you said it, but..."

'I've decided to make you someone else's problem.'

'He lost his whistle,'

'The fact that you worked as an unpaid intern shows you don't understand the concept of being a banker.'

'What's your favourite operating system?' - 'I don't have one.' - 'Well, you killed that conversation.' - 'It deserved to die.'

'To Err is human...but to forgive is against company policy!'

"Can't you just troll me?"

"Whoes jumping? My secretary enforces a strict 'No Smoking' policy"

"Congratulations, gentlemen - we have achieved failure."

"Hey - let's not us re-invent wheel."

"... and God bless my mom and her courage to call this food."

"How about fashionably never?"

'Nice decorating. I like the clothes and toys everywhere...and the half eaten sandwich really ties it all together!'