Sarcastic Stylist Pillows

'Striped cats make me appear thinner.'

'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Hamburger bar, "I don't like the look of this Charlie"

"Delegating authority is good. Delegating blame is better."

Armstrong, the only doctor covered in the new health plan you got me is a veterinarian! Beats no coverage. Yeah, if you're a parakeet. You're so cheap. You don't value me at all. You ingrate. I didn't have to give you health benefits. Lots of employers don't cover their animals. You mean workers. Stop your barking.

'Did you clear this through Legal first?'

Exciting potato bugs.

"The bad news is we've fired 80% of your office. The good news is we're fixing the coffee machine."

Redhead

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

'I knew this was a bad place to work when I saw that they call the company handbook 'the Owner's Manual.''

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

'I had to stamp down on staff using nicknames at work. They even had one for me!'

"Try unplugging it and throwing it out the window."

'Yes, it's easy to make a mistake in a conduct dismissal, Bob. But as mistakes go this is a big one.'

"Phizby, your can't do attitude has really cut down on screw-ups around here. Keep up the good work!"

'I'm not sure how you managed to burn a bowl of cereal.'

'Don't give up hope, Senator- We've worked out a plan to decrease your name recognition.'

"True, it is 'organic.' It's also a dead squirrel!"

"I work smart, instead of hard. You do all the work and I take all the credit."

"I guess the point I'm trying to make is, calling the committee on Progress and Evolution a bunch of know-it-all nincompoops might have felt good when you said it, but..."

'I've decided to make you someone else's problem.'

'He lost his whistle,'

'It looks like blood, tastes like Ribena, I just hope it gets me drunk,'

'The fact that you worked as an unpaid intern shows you don't understand the concept of being a banker.'

"Let's demonstrate our corporate values of diversity and inclusion and listen to some of Brian's stupid ideas."

'To Err is human...but to forgive is against company policy!'

'What's your favourite operating system?' - 'I don't have one.' - 'Well, you killed that conversation.' - 'It deserved to die.'

"Can't you just troll me?"

"Congratulations, gentlemen - we have achieved failure."

"Hey - let's not us re-invent wheel."

"... and God bless my mom and her courage to call this food."

'If you can't beat 'em join 'em.'

"I'm not sure what to watch...'Enterprise' or 'Sabado Gigante.'"

"How about fashionably never?"