Sarcastic Sticker Collector Pillows

Honest Voting Stickers

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

"It says here that in your last job you did a lot of traveling."

"Your membership entitles you to 15 books,45 posters,200 leaflets and umpteen stickers!"

Charles Dickens

"We need warning stickers on this side warning not to ignore all the other warning stickers on the other side."

"I'm not worried about identity theft. Who'd want to be me?"

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

"I don't see any mention of quicksand skills on your resume."

"If you want to talk to someone uninterested, press 1..."

'And the good news is you can finish out your 'Employee-of-the-Month' term before cleaning out your desk.'

'I never question your ability. I never even mention it.'

'Hey! This box of 'made in America' stickers has a sticker on it that says 'made in Taiwan'.'

"There is no 'I' in 'team', however there are several 'I's in 'I'm the boss and you do what I say'."

Dog Sticker Family

Pet shop with recipes stand outside.

"Yeah, these things smell disgusting, but if you line your nest with them, you get insulation and it helps to keep the eggs warm..."

'Don't you think it's time we bought new suitcases?'

Bassoon musical instrument.

'Derek's a big fan of resisistance workouts. He always resists working out.'

"Allow me to explain the terms of our easy payment plan."

I'm with stupid.

Uniformed but Passionate

The final reward for a writer... 'R.I.P. At last a deadline I can live with!'

"Watch yourself going up the high street. . . the election canvassers are out in force!"

"Don't worry. Very soon you'll be back to what passes as normal for you."

"Of course, 'today seems to be dragging more than usual'. You came in on time, for once!"

Decals and stickers for your bike.

Affordable homes coming soon - 'If they build these then our house will become affordable...!'

'The boss finally noticed me today. He said I should wear deodrant.'

'Genius?! Pah! A five-year-old could paint this.' 'Perhaps... But a five-year-old couldn't convince anyone it was great art. Therein lies the genius.'

'I was recently at a baseball game and they were shooting my people out of a gun. When does the madness stop!? You'd never see that happening to the soup folk.'

'I should have seen it coming - my best man was her lawyer!'

Ask Sadie. My wife and I are getting a puppy soon. Any training tips? - Jay and Emily, Charlotte, NC. Sent from my iPad. Oh yes. A tip: Have him poop on your @#$% iPad, you high-tech boobs! Irrelevant and gratuitous. Sent from my lungs. You need the toothbrush app.