Sarcastic Solicitor Pillows

Lawyer practical joke: 'DISBAR ME' taped on back.

"Delegating authority is good. Delegating blame is better."

'Did you clear this through Legal first?'

'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

"The bad news is we've fired 80% of your office. The good news is we're fixing the coffee machine."

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

'I knew this was a bad place to work when I saw that they call the company handbook 'the Owner's Manual.''

'I had to stamp down on staff using nicknames at work. They even had one for me!'

"Try unplugging it and throwing it out the window."

'Yes, it's easy to make a mistake in a conduct dismissal, Bob. But as mistakes go this is a big one.'

"I'm not worried about identity theft. Who'd want to be me?"

"Phizby, your can't do attitude has really cut down on screw-ups around here. Keep up the good work!"

"I work smart, instead of hard. You do all the work and I take all the credit."

"I guess the point I'm trying to make is, calling the committee on Progress and Evolution a bunch of know-it-all nincompoops might have felt good when you said it, but..."

'I've decided to make you someone else's problem.'

"Bless me father for I have allegedly sinned."

'The fact that you worked as an unpaid intern shows you don't understand the concept of being a banker.'

'What's your favourite operating system?' - 'I don't have one.' - 'Well, you killed that conversation.' - 'It deserved to die.'

'To Err is human...but to forgive is against company policy!'

"Can't you just troll me?"

"Hey - let's not us re-invent wheel."

"Congratulations, gentlemen - we have achieved failure."

"How about fashionably never?"

"... and God bless my mom and her courage to call this food."

'If looks could sue, eh, Walt?'

"Hey, if we're getting laid off, it's every man for himself!"

"Don't look at me. I'm just the gay friend."

"Of course failure is an option; I use it all the time!"

'Oh he's sporty all right - he can be up and down on his stairlift in under ten minutes'

"You think you have the boss from hell?!"

"Oh, please, do tell me what Warren Buffett has to say about adding bleach to delicates."

'Teamwork is just a chance to blame someone else!'