Sarcastic Office Worker Pillows

'That? Well, it's a solid Lucite paperweight containing your immediate predecessor, compliments of the executive management team. It's just our way of saying 'Welcome Aboard!''

"You call this sweating bullets over the Jackson account? What caliber?"

'We offer full benefits. A desk, a chair and your very own cubicle.'

Bureau of the Damned

"When all else fails, blow darts still get their attention."

Office: Empowerment Drawer.

Course 'Management Skills and Employee Motivation', 09 AM - 05 PM, No breaks!

'Item 56(B), we need to schedule a series of meetings to discuss whether we should have a meeting to look at whether we're having too many meetings!'

"The boss is mad at me. I did something really, really dumb today!"

'If you had more criminal potential, you'd get a bonus like all the other investment bankers!'

"I now represent both death and taxes."

'Your loyalty to the company is exemplary, Potter, but we'll have to let you go if you can't stop chewing up the conference room furniture!'

"I apologize, sir, but I'm having trouble finding a technician willing to come out and remove the insidious fire creature from your computer."

"This position may call for some occasional plumbing."

The disgruntled employees were brought down with tranquilizer darts, ending the worst pillow fight in recent memory.

"I knew I should never have left you in charge of the rubber bands!"

"This one is less distracting."

"Eating the mistakes is a tough job, but somebody has to do it."

'It's saving us a fortune on retirement costs.'

'It's not your work, Hannon - it's your attitude.'

"They say every team has a member who is suffering from mental health issues. Not this team eh?!"

'Get me everything on scapegoats.'

"The myth of Sisyphus fact-checked • Real name 'Manny' • 40-hour workweek • Weekends off • 'Sisyphus' used stand-ins • 'Boulder' made of papier-mâché *Actual slope"

"Woodpecker gets an office job."

Pneumatic seat raised through roof.

"I enjoy the pearls of folksy wisdom as much as the next guy, but what, exactly, does he do around here?"

Safety First.

"Don't let the new boss catch you having a cigarette break...there's a rumour he watches his staff like a hawk!"

Lawyer practical joke: 'DISBAR ME' taped on back.

"Can I call you back? I'm with a piece of string."

'What I particularly like about this baby is this little drawer where I can keep my lunch.'