Sarcastic Solicitor Gifts

Lawyer practical joke: 'DISBAR ME' taped on back.

"Delegating authority is good. Delegating blame is better."

Armstrong, the only doctor covered in the new health plan you got me is a veterinarian! Beats no coverage. Yeah, if you're a parakeet. You're so cheap. You don't value me at all. You ingrate. I didn't have to give you health benefits. Lots of employers don't cover their animals. You mean workers. Stop your barking.

'Did you clear this through Legal first?'

'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

'I knew this was a bad place to work when I saw that they call the company handbook 'the Owner's Manual.''

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

"The bad news is we've fired 80% of your office. The good news is we're fixing the coffee machine."

"Try unplugging it and throwing it out the window."

'I had to stamp down on staff using nicknames at work. They even had one for me!'

'Yes, it's easy to make a mistake in a conduct dismissal, Bob. But as mistakes go this is a big one.'

"I work smart, instead of hard. You do all the work and I take all the credit."

"Phizby, your can't do attitude has really cut down on screw-ups around here. Keep up the good work!"

"I'm not worried about identity theft. Who'd want to be me?"

"I guess the point I'm trying to make is, calling the committee on Progress and Evolution a bunch of know-it-all nincompoops might have felt good when you said it, but..."

'I've decided to make you someone else's problem.'

"Bless me father for I have allegedly sinned."

'The fact that you worked as an unpaid intern shows you don't understand the concept of being a banker.'

'What's your favourite operating system?' - 'I don't have one.' - 'Well, you killed that conversation.' - 'It deserved to die.'

"Let's demonstrate our corporate values of diversity and inclusion and listen to some of Brian's stupid ideas."

'To Err is human...but to forgive is against company policy!'

"Can't you just troll me?"

'If you can't beat 'em join 'em.'

"How about fashionably never?"

"... and God bless my mom and her courage to call this food."

"Congratulations, gentlemen - we have achieved failure."

"Hey - let's not us re-invent wheel."

'Oh he's sporty all right - he can be up and down on his stairlift in under ten minutes'

"Don't look at me. I'm just the gay friend."

"You think you have the boss from hell?!"

'If looks could sue, eh, Walt?'

"Of course failure is an option; I use it all the time!"

"Hey, if we're getting laid off, it's every man for himself!"

"Oh, please, do tell me what Warren Buffett has to say about adding bleach to delicates."

Double your salary - Xerox your paycheck.